Recognizing Abuse

Different Areas of Abuse

Please click on any of the buttons below to read more about a specific area of abuse.

Signs of
Abuse
Internet
Safety
Human
Trafficking
Help for a
Friend
Dating
Violence
Violence in
the Workplace
LGBTQ+ Domestic
Violence
Domestic Violence
in Older Adults

Plan for Your Safety

What is a safety plan?

A safety plan means things you can do to keep you and your children safe from domestic violence. You can get help to make a safety plan by calling The Shelter at 505-416-7184 & 888-473-5312. You can also find more information on planning for your safety from the National Domestic Violence Hotline and create a Plan for Safety

Before and During an Incident

  • When an incident starts, try to escape. If you feel you are in danger, leave your home and take your children, no matter what time it is. Go to the house of a friend or relative or a domestic violence shelter.
  • Defend and protect yourself. Later, take photos of your injuries.
  • Call for help. Scream as loudly and for as long as you can. You have nothing to be ashamed of — the abusive person does.
  • Stay close to a door or window so you can get out if you need to.
  • Stay away from the bathroom, kitchen, and weapons.
  • Practice your escape. Know which doors, windows, elevator, or stairs would be best.
  • Have a packed bag ready. Hide it in a place that you can get to quickly.
  • Identify neighbors you can tell about the violence. Ask them to call the police if they hear signs of domestic violence coming from your home.
  • Have a “code word” to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors. Ask them to call the police when you say that word.
  • Know where to go if you have to leave home, even if you do not think you will have to.
  • Trust your instincts. Do whatever you have to do to survive.

Get Ready to Leave

  • Open a savings account in your own name. Give the bank a safe address, like a post office box or your work address.
  • Leave money, an extra set of keys, and copies of your important papers with someone you trust. You may need to leave home fast, and you will need these things later.
  • Think about who you could stay with and who can lend you money.
  • Keep the phone number of the local domestic violence shelter nearby (or store it in your cell phone, if that is safe). Keep some change or a calling card with you at all times so you can call if there is an emergency.
  • Leaving is the most dangerous time. Thinking about your safety plan before you leave will help you when the time comes.
  • If you have to leave your children, get them back as soon as possible. Get legal advice or call a domestic violence agency.

Be Safe When You Live on Your Own

  • Change the locks on your doors as soon as you can. Put locks on all your doors and windows.
  • Ask your local phone company (and your cell phone company) for an unlisted number. Sometimes this service is free.
  • Teach your children how to be safe, for times when you are not with them.
  • Make sure your children’s school or daycare provider knows who is allowed to pick up your children.
  • Tell your neighbors and landlord that your spouse or partner no longer lives with you. Ask them to call the police if they see your spouse/partner near your home.

Get a Protective (Restraining) Order

  • Ask the court for a protective order and keep it with you at all times.
  • Make sure your local police department gets a copy of your restraining order.
  • Call the police if your spouse/partner breaks the protective order.
  • Keep notes about any contacts, threats, messages, or letters your spouse/partner sends to you. If your spouse/partner leaves messages on your answering machine, save the messages.
  • Think of how to stay safe in case the police do not get to you right away.
  • Give copies of your protective order to everyone listed on the order and to family, friends, and neighbors who are willing to help you.

Be Safe at Work and in Public

  • Tell the security personnel where you work. Give them a photo of the person you need protection from.
  • Decide who else to tell at work about your situation.
  • Ask someone at work to screen your telephone calls.
  • When you leave work, have someone walk with you to your car, bus, or train.
  • Do not take the same route home every day.
  • Think about what you would do if the person you need protection from approaches while you are getting to or from work.

Your Safety and Your Emotional Health

  • If you are thinking about going back to a situation that could be abusive, talk with someone you trust about alternatives.
  • Think positive thoughts about yourself.
  • Read books, articles, and poems to help you feel stronger.
  • Decide who you can call to get the support you need.
  • Go to a support group. You will get support and learn about yourself, domestic violence, and relationships.
  • Think about what you would do if the person you need protection from approaches while you are getting to or from work.

What to Take With You When You Leave

Try to keep some things in your purse or wallet:

  • Driver’s license or ID
  • Social security card
  • Welfare ID
  • Passport or green card
  • Money
  • Checkbooks
  • Credit cards
  • ATM cards
  • Bankbooks
  • Bank account numbers
  • House and car keys
  • Address book

If you have the time, take these things, too:

  • Medications
  • Medical, life, and auto insurance papers
  • Divorce papers or marriage license
  • Immigration/legal residency papers
  • Court orders, restraining orders
  • Birth certificates for you and your children
  • Police reports or documentation of previous abuse
  • Lease or rental agreement, house deed
  • Medical and school records
  • Jewelry or small objects you can sell
  • Car registration and title (pink slip)
  • Family photos
  • Children’s clothing and small toys
  • Extra glasses or contact lenses

Remember: These things are not as important as the lives of you and your children!

Sights, sounds, experience, and fear

What Survivors Might Hear:

  • “I will change and it will never happen again!”
  • “It’s your fault I act this way!”
  • “If I can’t have you, no one will have you.”
  • “I will find you wherever you go!”
  • “It’s not over until I say it’s over.”

What Survivors Might Experience:

  • Watching the abuser handle guns, bullets, knives, etc.
  • Having the keys to car taken away.
  • Having phone calls screened.
  • Being denied access to money.

Abusers Instill Fear in Survivors:

  • Fear of losing children.
  • Fear of loneliness and isolation.
  • Fear of physical violence.
  • Fear of pets being abused.
  • Fear of becoming homeless.

Barriers That Prevent a Survivor from Leaving:

  • Financial
  • Emotional
  • Religious
  • The survivor may still be in love with the abuser.

Remember: Leaving does not happen in just one step. It is a process. We can help you leave safely.