Help for a friend

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Some intimate partner violence victims do not consider themselves abused because they have not been physically beaten and most will not offer up the fact that they are being abused whether their abuse is physical, verbal, sexual, financial and/or emotional.

Start a conversation:

  • Does your partner/caregiver make you feel afraid or controlled?
  • What happens when you disagree with each other?
  • Does s/he put you down, threaten or hurt you?
  • Use your home computer for basic activities and use a safe computer to get help.
  • Print and save any threatening emails/IMs as evidence of abuse. These messages may constitute a federal offense. For more information, call the United States Attorney’s Office

Victims may use alcohol and medications or experience depression. A recurrent history of being “accident-prone” is also a clue, as is an overly attentive partner who attempts to answer questions directed at your loved one, or one who bullies and criticizes her.

What Can You Do to Help?

  • Call us at 505.416.7184 or 1.888.473.5312 24-hours a day for confidential support.
  • Don’t blame the victim – there are numerous reasons why she may stay.
  • Suggest she discuss a safety plan with The Shelter’s experts: 505.416.7184.
  • Tell her you are afraid for her, her children and/or pets; teach children to dial 911.
  • Let her keep extra keys and her Escape Bag at your house/office.
  • Be there when she needs you. Empower her to make decisions for herself and respect those choices.
  • Help with childcare, transportation, a place to stay, job, lending money, but do not risk your own safety!
  • Give her this web address: www.esperanzashelter.org
  • Remind them to regularly clear their computer search history or cache file in case their abuser has access to their computer. Read more about clearing your computer’s history or cache here.